Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
