My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
