I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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