dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
