The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
