why didn't you poke me back
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize