that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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