before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
