I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
