and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
