I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How does one acquire holy water?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
