she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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