Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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