my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
