so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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