Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
