Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
