He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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