in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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