she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
