New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
