maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
