shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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