I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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