Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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