So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
