Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
