I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
