My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
