some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
