I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
