why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
