I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
