And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize