Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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