My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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