You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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