I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
