I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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