We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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