dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
two words...techno handjob
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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