I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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