I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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