Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize