this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
