Someone shit on the floor
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
