we have officially lost it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
