I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
