I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
