Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
