You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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