Me too!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
