Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That accounts for only three of the penises
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
