What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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