We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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