i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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