Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize