he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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