no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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