hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
