Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
