Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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