if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
