Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize