Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
