my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize